Living with roommates may be a first time experience for you or something you shared with siblings when growing up. Either way, college life inside the residence halls might not be something you are well-versed in navigating. Having a roommate should be a fun and exciting experience, though sometimes it can be difficult to find the perfect balance of what works for the two of you.
Some of the large obstacles to navigate are listed below and our staff strongly recommends that you discuss each of these topics with your roommate prior to move-in. The earlier that expectations and boundaries are established, the sooner that you can both relax in your new space.
We provide a Roommate Agreement Form, which outlines all of the topics you should discuss with your roommates or apartment community. You can use and reuse this form as much as you would like. We recommend that you keep a copy somewhere you can easily refer to it if anyone needs to revisit their boundaries and expectations.
First and foremost, communicate! We cannot stress this enough. Communication is the first and most important step in establishing a solid relationship with your roommate. Talk to your roommate about how they like to be communicated with and share your thoughts as well. Are they more of an in-person communicator? Do you need a few days to collect your thoughts first? Is texting going to complicate your communication styles? These are all important questions to ask and will keep lines of communication open, even when there are points of disagreement. If you approach your Community Advisor or other Residential Life staff member with a roommate concern, the first thing they will ask is if you have talked to your roommate about this issue.
Everyone has their own preferences when it comes to how much and what types of noise are bothersome and which they can ignore. What may be background noise to you, might sound like a cacophony to your roommate. Discuss when to use headphones, times when the room should be quiet, what constitutes ambient noise, and how you respond to alarms. There will likely be a need to compromise by both parties and you should be cognizant of what is a reasonable expectation for you and your roommate.
Lights are an often forgotten about detail before living with a roommate. Inevitably, your schedules will vary and late night study sessions, practice, events, and classes are going to have you both in and out of the room at different times. Get a feel for your schedules and talk about what type of light is disruptive to you. Is it okay if your roommate uses the flashlight on their phone to get ready for bed if you’re already asleep? Are you totally unbothered by use of the overhead light at any time of day or night? Is the light from a TV, cellphone, or computer more bothersome in a dark room?
Expanding your friend group is a great part of having a roommate as it allows you to get to know other people you may not have otherwise crossed paths with at Kenyon. However, it is imperative that you and your roommate discuss when guests are permitted in the room and how those guests should behave in that space. You may want to establish days of the weeks and time frames when guests are welcome or establish an “ask first” protocol. However you choose to approach it is fine, just remember that compromise is key.
Some roommates take a “what’s mine is yours” approach to living together, whereas others may prefer to keep their personal belongings separate. Clarify what this means for each of you right away. Is it okay to share all food, some food, or no food? Can they use your phone charger without asking first? Is it okay if their guests sit on your bed while they talk and play board games? Be open to changing these expectations as you and your roommate both have a better idea of what works for each of you.
One area of friction can be different expectations around cleanliness. Again, you and your roommate are adjusting to college life and college schedules, which means that keeping things neat and tidy might not be your top priority right away. Talk with your roommate about how long dirty dishes can be left out, how long is too long for dirty clothes to pile up, and if there is a preference for wiping down or deep cleaning the room on a regular basis. Allow for grace if you know your roommate is extra focused on studying for a big exam or traveling frequently for athletics competitions, as some of these details may take a back seat for a few days.
Finally, talk about your schedules. This may not seem like a big deal to discuss early on but feeling like you have a space to yourself for at least a few hours each week can be just the break you need to feel refreshed and focused. Find alternative places you like to study and hang out and let your roommate know if there are times when you need alone time to focus on a project or you just need a good nap. If you are both willing to adapt and adjust, the extra space will go a long way.